Multitudes on Monday

We had a really great weekend. Saturday morning we went and handed out socks and gloves to homeless people down in Sacramento. It was really rotten weather; windy, rainy and cold! It really made us appreciate all the more when we got into our warm car when we were done and headed back to our warm, dry house. The kids all did amazing. I was sure they were going to complain and ask when we would be heading home, but they were so kind, and it was just wonderful to see them thinking of others before themselves. We had some great conversations about how blessed we are after that experience. It really got me excited about the 30 days of service starting FRIDAY! 

44. Waking up with energy

45. Singing at the top of our lungs, driving

46. Going for an unplanned run and feeling great afterwards

47. Fun, unexpected hail storms that cover the ground in ice!

48. The hot cocoa that ensues after such a hailstorm

49. Sipping tea on a rainy morning

50. Green traffic lights!

51. Handing out socks and gloves to cold homeless people

52. Coming home to our warm house afterwards

53. Sunny days!

54. Holding hands and praying as a family

55. Surprising my kids with a trip to the doughnut shop when they least expect it! 

Happy Monday, friends!

30 Days of Service Ideas

Ok, 30 Days of Service is only 8 days away! We've been working on our end coming up with ideas on how we can serve our community, our neighbors, our friends, and our family. Here's what we've come up with so far: 

Help at the SPCA

Bring treats in to the teachers at Superman's school

Give a grocery gift card to someone in need

Visit a retirement home and bring something homemade

Pick up trash in our nearby town

Volunteer at a homeless shelter

Send letters to military

Donate clothes

Pay for the person behind us in Starbucks, leaving a note inviting them to church

Bring cookies to fire station

Bring cookies to police station

Donate a goat or a share of a goat through Heifer International

Bring toys to the children's hospital

Make backpacks with supplies for foster kids

Bring cookies to an elderly neighbor

Visiting one of the neighboring farms and ask what we can do to help

Let someone go in front of us at the grocery store and offer to unload their cart for them

For the kids: Do someone else's chores for the day

Call up a random friend and ask what I could do for them that day

Bring coffee/cocoa to a sick friend

Help do small tasks at our local Christian adoption agency

Send extra gifts to the kids we sponsor through World Vision and Compassion International

What other ideas do you have? Please share! We only have about a week left to come up with at least 30 of them! 

Got Hail?

We had a hail storm like nothing I've seen in my life yesterday. I know to some of you, this is no big deal, but around our parts, it was a hugely fun surprise and we were all running around screaming like kids in a candy store (with money in our pockets). 

Here's M-Dog taking a dare and going out for a run in it: 

That's a pretty big hail stone, if you ask me!

It was just so beautiful coming down and seeing it cover our driveway like snow:

Seriously, the kids had so much fun. I did, too.

The chickens were out roaming when it hit, so they went for cover under our steps:

J-Man was pretty sure it was the neatest thing ever. 

Multitudes on Monday

34. A job for Superman

35. Hot showers

36. The opportunity to adopt

37. Lazy pajama days

38. Fallen trees narrowly missing our well pump

39. A husband who spends all day cutting up fallen trees when he deserves to relax

40. Joy in my life

41. Healthy foods

42. Sleeping in for a little while

43. Our church

Saturday night was incredibly windy, and we lost two more oak trees. Amazingly, one of them narrowly missed our well house by landing on a fence post. We spent most of the weekend huddled inside staying out of the elements, but on Saturday morning, I attended a meeting for an awesome ministry, Safe Families, which I hope to talk about more in the future. Have you heard of it? Check out the link. You'll be moved just reading about it! I'm hoping to help get it launched at our church soon. Enjoy your Monday! 

A Challenge to Challenge Me {and others}

We've been watching the show "Secret Millionaire." Have you seen it? If you haven't, you should. It's inspiring. It makes me dream of having millions of dollars that I could excitedly give away to deserving people serving others. But alas, I have not millions of dollars. I do, however, have my health and five young kids who are forced lucky enough to be dragged around with me everywhere I go. So it got me thinking--what could I do for others? Well, I could think of a lot of things. I thought, wouldn't it be cool if I could do 30 acts of service in 30 days? Yes, I know. It seems a bit crazy. But hey, that's my cup o' tea. Craziness is my middle name. 

Superman says I should give myself two months to complete such a task. Maybe he's right. I know life can get in the way of big dreams, but 30 acts of service in 30 days sounds a lot more catchy. I'll give myself some grace. We may have a day that we don't get out of the house because of sick kiddos or uncontrollable farm duties, but I'm aiming for 30 days. April 1-30th to be exact. So, here's the challenge:

Complete one act of service every day in April. It can be something as small as letting someone go in front of you in the grocery line to paying for the person behind you at Starbucks to serving in a homeless shelter to donating money to a worthy cause to visiting a convalescent home. You decide! I will be listing my ideas over the next few weeks, and I would love it if you add to mine. We can all help each other out. I highly recommend making your list ahead of time, and roughly calendaring each day, so you won't forget or get caught up in daily activities and let the day slip by. 

I have a special prize for each person/family that completes this challenge and provides me with a brief written account of their acts of service.  

Want to share this challenge on your blog? Please do! Feel free to copy my logo and/or link back to this post, but please let me know if you've posted it on your blog so I can keep up with you! Share it on Facebook, Twitter it, whatever. Let's spread some love for 30 days and change our world!  

Questions? Ask away!  

Multitudes on Monday

24. Stopping to stretch while running and seeing a ladybug crawl by
25. Settling into a soft bed and blankets
26. Quiet moments on a day when I'm exhausted
27. Standing outside at dawn, listening to the sounds of nature
28. Having a llama eat out of my hand
29. Feeling happy
30. Friends stopping by unexpectedly
31. Hot cocoa with almond milk
32. Having a working car
33. New Bible to mark up! 


Something big is coming soon. It'll be a challenge of all challenges. Stay tuned!

What's Been Going on Around Here...

Some of this...

We got a llama last weekend and named her Tina. Have you seen Napolean Dynamite?
She's a guard llama, so she's not cuddly. Yet. I'm working on her. 

And some of this...

Our sheep, Martha, had two baby lambs! They are named Sunday and Monday

since we didn't know if they were born Sunday night or Monday morning. 

We had to dock their tails last week...we're still waiting for them to fall off. 

And some of this...the goats are bonding with the lambs. Here's Esther being a

good auntie.

Tasty is growing nice and fat. She'll be "meating" her demise in a few months. 

Spring is springing! Our Tulip tree has decided flowering would be 

more fun than remaining dormant. 

Our orchard is planted and ready to grow! Superman and his dad (mostly his dad)

spent a lot of time and effort planting the 71 trees. 

N turned four and decided she wanted her ears pierced. Again. The last time

she had them pierced, one earring fell out, and the hole closed up. Whoops!

And on Ash Wednesday, we did this. The kids each prayed for forgiveness

for something specific and I put a little cross of ashes on their foreheads

to remind them of what Christ did for us.

My gratitude journal has been going wonderfully and it's stretched me to 

consciously think of things throughout the day that I am thankful for. 

And this. I've been spending lots of time outdoors admiring the amazing

creation surrounding us. It has been nothing short of breathtaking. 

My commitment to pray for Superman for Lent has been wonderful. I was enjoying the early morning peacefulness so much, that I decided to get up even earlier so I can savor those quiet moments of solitude with the Lord. It was just going by too fast. I've prayed more in these last few days than in weeks combined. Waking up in the dark, writing in my prayer journal, and watching the soft light of dawn slowly make its way over the hills has been an unintended reward. Here I thought I was giving a sacrifice by getting up early, but instead it has been a blessing. 

So that, friends, is what's been going on around our house. Have a wonderful weekend!

Lent

I have never participated in Lent before. I really didn't know much about it, other than the fact that people around me seem to give up soda or sweets for 40 days. This year, I felt prompted to look into it more. What I read, I liked. "Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus." "The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ." (from Wikipedia) It intrigued me. 

I want to make a sacrifice. Not something like no sweets or no t.v. or no coffee. Those are all great things to give up, but I wanted something different. I wanted something that would push me closer to God, force me into His arms. I prayed and thought and prayed and thought. And I finally came up with this: 

For the next 40 days, I am going to get up early and spend time in prayer, specifically praying for the miraculous healing of Superman. 

I normally spend time each day reading my Bible and praying, but this will be different; more intense.

Although Superman's health has improved drastically since last year, he is still plagued by a few things that just will not let go. And I'm ready to get up a 1/2 hour earlier for the next 40 days to spend time praying specifically for his healing. And I expect the Lord will do miraculous things! Whether he will heal Superman, I do not know. But I do know that our God is a God of awesomeness, and I know He does not disappoint. 

So, today marks the beginning of Lent. We will pray and experience Ash Wednesday as a family, repenting of our sins and asking the Lord's forgiveness, while thanking Him for the many, many blessings He has given us.

How will you experience Lent?

Thankful Tuesday/Multitude Mondays

I realized after deciding to do "Thankful Tuesdays" that there is an actual movement of people participating in this idea of documenting the multitude of gifts we've been blessed with. I'm not all that creative, after all. I suppose I could still do my own thing on Tuesdays, but I liked this little picture so much, I decided to switch my days to share to Mondays. What can I say? I want to be on the "Multitude on Mondays" bandwagon. Especially when it involves a cute picture. 

9. The opportunity to homeschool our kids

10. Watching kids play soccer

11. Experiencing gratitude more in my day

12. Kids napping

13. Sitting next to Superman 

14. Knowing we're making a difference in our kids' lives

15. Rainy days to snuggle on the couch

16. Having a closet!

17. Kind people who think of others before themselves

18. Children learning to read

19. Running outside

20. Superman's health improving so much in the last year

21. In-laws helping more than asked

22. Hugs from kids (mine in particular!)

23. Singing songs to my girls that my mom used to sing to me at night 

And the winner is...

According to randomizer.org.................................................

Amy V.! 


Just send me a message with your name, address and whether you want a Kindle edition or regular hard copy, and I'll send this awesome book your way!

One Thousand Gifts: A Challenge (The beginning of Thankful Tuesdays)

A friend of mine mentioned this book in her blog a few weeks ago (thanks, Karen B.!), and while perusing someone else's blog, I saw the book recommended again. I didn't really have any idea what it was about, but I respect both these women and was intrigued. 

I haven't finished the book yet, but have gained enough insight to make me ready to take the challenge: Find gratitude in everyday life, in everyday things. Gifts that I would normally blaze past, never noting. Noticing things as they come, not creating a forced list of "things to be thankful for." One thousand things, to be exact. This concept truly goes hand-in-hand with my post about "unconditional gratitude;" it just seems to want to flow naturally from me. Once again, the Lord is all about timing. Had I read this a few months ago, I may have taken the challenge as a "fun" exercise, but reading it now has made me really want to dwell on each piece of gratitude and savor its place in my life. 

I was going to wait until I finished the book to start the "challenge," but being March 1st, and how much I love starting new things on the first of any month, I think I'll start now. One thousand gifts. Can you think of 1,000 things to be grateful for? You can join me if you like. It'll take me months, I'm sure, and it's gonna be a journey. There will be days of discouragement when the last thing I would like to do is find gratitude in my circumstances. I'll be jotting down pieces of gratitude throughout the week in my "gratitude journal," and then recording them here every Tuesday for "Thankful Tuesdays." I know, "Thankful Thursday" would sound better, but Thursdays are busy for me, so Tuesday it is. 

As I sit here typing, the first few gifts surround me: 

1. My giggling children playing nicely

2. Warm fire crackling

3. Hot coffee steaming, filling the house with its tasteful aroma

4. Baby lambs drinking from their mommy

5. Worship music playing

6. Dryer running, something I take for granted. So thankful I don't have to hang clothes out to dry in  this cold weather!

7. Sun streaming and dancing off pink blossoms on trees 

8. Beginning of March, the signs of spring coming

Have a wonderful day! Hope you are able to pause and find gratitude in some of the less "obvious" gifts surrounding you today!

P.S. Don't forget about the giveaway on Friday! You can enter here. I forgot to mention, the winner can request either a Kindle edition or hard copy version!

Medicine to My Soul

I think J-Man may take after Superman and find solace and inspiration while in the shower. He often just stands there, not washing himself, while I wring my hands hoping the hot water doesn't run out. Last night, J-Man happened to be the first one in the shower, which meant there were four other little ones who would need hot water. After about five minutes, I went to check on him and noticed his back was the only thing wet. I reminded him to "hurry up" since everyone else still had to take showers. Five minutes later, I checked on him, and guess what? He still hadn't washed himself! I was a bit irritated, and said in a stern "mom voice," "J-Man! Hurry UP! There are FOUR OTHER PEOPLE who need to take showers!" and walked out of the bathroom. As soon as my foot got out the door, I realized I shouldn't have used that tone. I went back and forth in my mind on whether I needed to go back in and apologize. The "old" Shanti (before conscious parenting!) would have just left it at that. After all, I had already reminded him. I was justified in the way I spoke to him. But, the "new" Shanti thought, "How would I like it if somebody talked to me that way?" And I marched myself right back in there. I said, "J-Man, I'm sorry I used that tone with you. I should have asked you to hurry in a nicer way." To which he replied, "It's okay, mommy. It was my fault--I should have listened to you the first time!" And he was done with his shower in less than a minute. He came out, hugged me, and said, "Thank you for saying sorry." 

Medicine to my soul, I say. Medicine to my soul! 

Being honest with my kids, and letting them know I am working on myself has been such a blessing. I feel as though they are carrying the burden with me, and are much more likely to be on my team instead of feeling like they have to play defense. Had I not apologized, J-Man would have taken another 10 minutes to get out of the shower, we would have run out of hot water, I would have still been irritated, and he most likely would have had an "off" night. Instead, we had a moment of connection, which led to reading library books, snuggling on the couch, and baking chewy chocolate cookies together. I like Option B much better!

Giveaway!

I'm so excited to be doing a giveaway for this book! As I mentioned, it changed my parenting, and in turn, my life.

The Connected Child, co-authored by Karen Purvis, David Cross and Wendy Sunshine, is specifically written for adoptive parents, but has so many wonderful insights for biological parents as well. If you're a parent or know someone who is, you should read this book! You will learn many things about yourself and your children, biological and adopted.

Here's the rundown: 

*Leave a comment here saying what your favorite thing about being a parent is. You'll automatically be entered! 

*For an additional entry, share my blog on your Facebook, Twitter or other social networking site, and link back to here!

You won't be disappointed! 

The giveaway will take place on Friday, March 4th. 

Happy entries! 

How a Book Changed My Life

As I mentioned in my last post, I just read the book, "The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family." If you are an adoptive parent, read it! If you are just a "regular" parent who feels you could stand to improve, read it! I bought the book more out of curiosity than anything else. Last week, we featured a therapist specializing in adoption at a seminar we put on at our church. She said she should get a commission for referring clients to this book. I figured it wouldn't hurt to read what these authors had to say. 

I have the book on my Kindle, and as I am sitting here typing this, I am looking through the fifty notes I made while reading it. How do I pick the most important? I'm not going to summarize the book, because I can't do it justice. If you want to know more about it, you can check it out here. 

You're probably thinking, "C'mon! Get ON with it already!" Ok, so here it is. Here's what I found out about myself while reading this book (I thought this book was supposed to be about adopted kids??): 

I am an emotionally distant, avoidant parent.

Remember my post about "Conscious Parenting?" I'm getting better. The Lord has woven this intricate tapestry of my life, and He has had all these things come together to work amazingly well together: the retreat, my desire to change, planting this book in front of me...they're all connected. This book wouldn't have had near the same effect had I read it a year ago, or even a few months ago. But even with my improvement, there were things I didn't know about myself. Towards the end of the book there is a "parenting style" quiz for parents. There were two options for each question. One answer would be considered "avoidant" (A) and one would be considered "nurturing." (N) Here's one example: 

"When you're talking to your child across the table, you comfortably reach out and touch her cheek or stroke her hair, and gently look into her eyes."(N) OR "When you're talking to your child across the table, your interactions are reserved and it's uncomfortable for you to make warm eye contact or reach out and touch her." (A)

Can you guess what my answer was? I am so devastated to admit that my answers were all (A)'s except for two. 

I don't think people on the outside would ever consider me an avoidant, disconnected, detached parent. But I am. It does not come naturally to snuggle my kids, to gaze into their eyes, to give them a warm hug "just because." I don't naturally give them a hug in the morning when they get up or smother their little faces with kisses at night. It is not natural for me. I, as awful and horrible and shameful as it is, am an uncomfortable, distant parent. 

I can have fun with my kids. I love going places and having picnics and making memories and baking desserts. I love to go on hikes and watch them learn and listen to them have deep conversations in their bedroom at night. But I never realized I was perpetuating a cycle of arms distance between parent and child. The authors wrote, 

"...Avoidant parents sometimes have the mistaken assumption that they're teaching independence by keeping their distance." Yes! That was me. I never wanted to "coddle" my kids. I didn't want them to grow up to be "sissies" or "weak" or "needy." I wanted them to be strong, courageous, confident and independent. And I thought the way to do that was to stretch out my arms and {not embrace} them, but keep them away. If I got too close, they would be too connected. They would need me too much. They would see my weakness. 

Please don't think I did this on purpose. I have always longed to be that cuddly mommy. I've enviously watched other moms who easily nurture their children and want nothing more than to hold them close to their heart. It's just that I've failed. Seven years have gone by since Mr. C came into our lives. And 7 years I have failed. Not in everything, but in something. Something so important, the Lord finally stopped me in my tracks while retreating from my daily life just a few weeks ago. He planted that seed of conscious parenting in me. And it sprouted. Then, it grew. It blossomed more than I ever imagined it would. But, still, seven years...I cannot allow myself to be suffocated by the past. I can only keep my eyes on what lies ahead.

The Lord has once before taken a burden from me overnight. There are many things that I've struggled with over the years, continually praying for help in overcoming. But 12 years ago, when I asked the Lord to take my bitterness away, He did. Immediately. And just a few days ago, I sat at the feet of Him who loves me and desperately asked Him to take this from me. Take away this hole in my heart, this unconscionable plague in my soul. Take away my need to be distant and fill it with your love so deep, so wide, that it fills me to overflowing. Fill me in a way that can only be credited to you. And He did. I felt that burden lifted just as I did 12 years ago when I asked the Lord to take away the bitterness of my youth. 

You know what I did yesterday? I hugged my kids. I read them books before bed. I complimented them. I told them how much I loved them and what I love about them. And it was phenomenal. 

There are so many things this book gave me. It described M-Dog to a "T." It filled my heart with compassion for these children I often forget come from traumatic, awful, hurtful pasts. It reminded me. And its words changed my life. And because of that, it changed my kids' lives. The Lord spoke to me through this book. Maybe He'll speak to you, too. 

Grace and Mercy: Give a Little, Get a Lot!

This weekend in church I almost fell asleep. I'm normally a "in bed at 9:00" kind of gal, but the last few nights I had been up late (like 11 p.m. late!) reading a book called, "The Connected Child." Probably the best book I've read in years. It is written specifically for adoptive parents, but many of the described techniques can be applied to bio kids as well. I'll be talking more about this book in the next few weeks. I've gleaned some life-changing insights and can't wait to share them! But, I want to finish the book first. 

I digress. So, I was almost falling asleep in church and I hear the pastor say something (I'm a woman--I can do more than one thing at once!). He shared a definition of grace: "GETTING what you DON'T deserve," and mercy: "NOT getting what you DO deserve." Wow. Maybe some of you have heard this definition before, but I sure hadn't. It was like cold water got splashed in my face, and I woke up. I'm a little embarrassed to admit I don't know what the rest of the sermon was about, because I was focused so much on that little gold nugget. At first, I was just thinking how amazing it is that the Lord of the whole universe, the Creator, has mercy on me. I am not getting what I deserve, for He has forgiven me of my sins. The thought of Jesus dying on the cross for me (and you) was real in that moment. It wasn't just a far-off thought, or a gentle admiration for what He had done for me. It was real. 

And grace? I practically swooned right there in my seat. "Getting what you DON'T deserve." I don't deserve his forgiveness. I don't deserve to be in His presence eternally after I die. I am a sinner. I make mistakes every day, and then I apologize and make the same mistake again the next day. I don't deserve what I'm getting. 

And then it came to me. This is probably not an "ah-ha" moment to many of you, but for me it was. I am called to be "like Christ." I am called have grace and mercy on my kids; even on perfect strangers. That person who cut me off on the freeway and then proceeded to point their tallest finger at me? That's right. Don't give them what they DO deserve, and GIVE THEM what they DON'T deserve. The bitter person in the checkout line? Yup, you got it. Grace. Mercy. The kid who keeps making the same mistakes? Yes, ma'am (or sir...)! You know it! Why should I expect my kids to make a mistake once and never return to that blunder, when I seem to make the same mistakes over and over again? I shouldn't. I should give them just what the Lord has given me: Grace and mercy. Giving them what they don't deserve, and not giving them what the DO deserve.

Don't you just want do dance a little jig? It's not our job to judge our kids (or anyone else)! We just need to give them a little grace and mercy, and let the Lord do the rest. 

Unconditional Gratitude

Last week while in the car, I heard the DJ on Air One say something that really stuck in my brain. He was telling a story (which I'm ashamed to say I don't remember), and in the end, he said, "Now that's unconditional gratitude!" Hmmm. I wished I could rewind the radio so I could hear exactly what was his definition of "unconditional gratitude," but of course, that wasn't possible. So, I mulled it over in my mind. The kids were amazingly silent in their seats. It was like they sensed mommy must be thinking. Yay, kids! 

So, I turned the radio down a bit and really thought about unconditional gratitude. Of course, we all know what "unconditional love" is. I have it for my kids. Even when they leave the gate open so the sheep gets out, or leave the bathroom sink running all night, or lick the top of the tube of toothpaste. I think I have unconditional love for chocolate, too. But most of all, our incredible Lord has it for us. Even if we choose not to accept it. But unconditional gratitude? 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I've heard it dozens of times, and probably said it dozens of times to our kids. But I think adding the term "unconditional" made it really resonate with me. 

How many times have I been grateful for the good things the Lord has blessed me with, while wondering what I've done wrong when a challenge comes my way? How often have I wallowed in self-pity over something I should have been unconditionally grateful for? Often, probably. I love that term: Unconditional Gratitude. No matter what. "Not limited," is the definition. I am so often limited in my gratefulness. I have much to be thankful for, and find it easy to tell the Lord "thank you" for those blessings. But it's harder to say "thank you" when a child of mine is consistently making bad choices, even with constant reminders. Thankfulness doesn't come naturally when one of our kids has issues relating to his or her traumatic life before being placed in our home, but I feel no one else will truly understand. It's hard to be thankful when I see my kids' behaviors as reflections of me and allow my pride to dictate how good of a parent I think I am (or am not). It's completely selfish, I know. And I don't say that flippantly. I'll say it again: it's completely selfish. 

I should be grateful in every circumstance; unconditionally. I should be praising the Lord amidst trials, and even amongst the monotony of everyday life. I should approach gratefulness as I do love. I would never love my kids "on condition of..." And so I should never be thanking the Lord "on condition of...". So, thank you, God. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the trials, the pain, the anxiety, the obstacles. Thank you for it all! 

Conscious Parenting

This weekend I went to a Bev Bradley women's retreat. I had never heard of her until a few months ago, and when I did, there was a flood of positive praise. "She's so authentic." "She truly shares her heart." "You'll be amazed at how the Spirit speaks through her." So, needless to say, I went with high expectations. I wasn't disappointed. 

I'm not really a charismatic worshiper. I often see people around me during worship at church (and at retreats) with their hands raised, echoing sounds of agreement during prayers. I used to feel uncomfortable, coming from a traditional background, but I've come to realize that we each have different ways of worshiping our Creator. Some of us sit quietly and ponder our relationship with God, while others love to shout their praise from the rooftops (or in a church service). Or some may enjoy both. How boring it would be if we all worshiped the same way! 

Amidst moments of deep connection with the Lord this weekend, I discovered something about myself. I am rarely a conscious parent. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but I tend to "check out" a lot in order to get through my day. "What do you mean?", you may ask. Well, my "unconscious" parenting can manifest itself in a number of ways: 

*Saying "uh-huh" when I really have no clue what my child just said to me.

*Jumping the gun on discipline since I often don't want to sit and listen to a long explanation for behavior.

*Dismissing crying and getting irritated when the kids aren't molding into the little box I've created.

*Spouting off a response quickly when I should pause and ask the Lord to reveal to me what may be the best way to respond to a situation.

These are just a few, and the first three weren't even brought up at the retreat. The last one, though, was one of the most important nuggets of truth I learned over the weekend. 

I also learned that the Lord never shames us, and that if I am hearing those "guilty voices" in my head: "You're going to fail." "You're just like your dad." "Your kids are going to go astray," etc. (which, by the way, I hear all the time) I'm not hearing the voice of my Father in Heaven. That means I'm hearing the voice of my enemy; God's enemy: Satan himself. When I hear those things I need to flee from those lies and run to His truth. By the way, I really don't hear voices. I'm no Schizophrenic, I just don't know a better way of saying what I want to say.

It's a short summary of a truly life-changing realization: I can't parent successfully without continually asking the Lord for wisdom throughout the day. I am a broken person, and if I were to think I can raise whole children on my own, I would be sorely mistaken. And so, I am now a conscious parent. I'm still a work-in-progress, but a conscious work-in-progress, nonetheless. I'll still have the "uh-huh" response sometimes, I'm sure. I'll still be quick to judge my kids' behaviors at times. But I am now consciously attempting to be their mom instead of hurrying through my day, trying to get to bedtime.

How "Chi's" Doing...and Experiencing God

Well, you may be wondering how the Chi running is going. Or maybe you couldn't care less, but you were nice enough to click on my blog to see what was up with me. 

I finished reading the book, and I have to say, it has revolutionized my running, and subsequently my spiritual life. The combination of the techniques suggested in the book and my Vibram shoes have brought my running to a whole new level. Now, I know I talked before about my transformation into a "hippie." The Chi Running book was very focus-on-your-"center"-oriented. As I read through it, I consciously replaced all the "focus on self" references to "focus on God." In this past week of running, I think I have experienced God more than in the last 6 months combined. Maybe it's the beautiful weather. Maybe it's the quiet time I have when I run up and down our driveway seeing this view:

...while the girls nap and the boys entertain themselves on the property. Maybe it's merely the fact that I am consciously focusing on the amazing beauty around me as I run. When I run now, at least when I'm by myself, I just listen. I listen to the birds, the tall grass blowing in the wind, crickets, my feet hitting the gravel. No music, no arguing kids, no demands being placed on me. And I'm almost certain that I can actually hear God's presence around me. Is that possible? I don't think Mr. Chi Running necessarily intended for my relationship with God to be catapulted to a whole new level, but that has been the unintended side affect. 

I am amazed I've gone my whole life without truly experiencing God this way. I mean, I've been close with Him for some time now. He's been the "center" of my life for over a dozen years, but this? This is something new, and fresh, and thoroughly divine. I wish I had the gumption to shout it out on the rooftops, but I think this is the closest I'm going to get to that right now. 

I highly recommend it. Getting outside and experiencing God, that is. If you're not in the country, take a little drive. Find some deserted place, park your car, and just listen. Or, even better, take a run {or walk}to that special spot. He may not shout something out to you directly, but the sounds of His creation will surely stun you. 

My Weaknesses...According to My Kids

I try to be a good mom. I try to have fun with the kids, not take life too seriously, ya know...all that stuff. I often feel, though, that I'm just constantly disciplining. "You GUYS! STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER!" "Hey! Why is the bathroom floor wet?!" (That's pretty much a rhetorical question.) "Who broke (insert word)?!" As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I wondered what my kids think of me. I mean, I've never really asked them. 

So, all day today I was waiting for the right opportunity to talk to the boys. I had this whole conversation planned. Finally, it's almost bed time for the boys, and I'm ready to talk to them individually. I call J-Man into our room first. I say, "J-Man, I've been thinking about what I can do better as a mom, and I was wondering if you have any suggestions on what I could do to do a better job?" He thinks for a minute...and another minute. I say, "It's ok, my feelings won't be hurt." He looks at me and says, "Letting us stay up late?" 

Hmmm...not exactly what I was thinking. I asked him if he could think of anything else, and he said, "Yeah, you could do more math with us after Papa is done teaching us math." Ok, still not really what I was looking for, but I didn't want to dig something out that wasn't there. 

M-Dog was next. I posed the same question to him, and he said, "You could clean more." I kind of wanted to say, "Yeah? So could you!" But I didn't. I said, "All right. Is there anything you think I could clean better?" He told me I should mop more. Touche. Mopping isn't my strong suit. I thought having the kids walk around with wet rags on their feet was sufficient, but apparently it's something that a mom needs to do. 

Mr. C came in last. He spouted off a bunch of things, including, "No spankings...EVER!" "No room time!" "No more Chum Bucket!" (You can read about that HERE.) He finally ended by saying, "Um, let me think about it." 

So, I didn't come away with any deep, thoughtful corrections from my kids. I was kind of hoping they would have some things for me to work on, but I suppose I should enjoy it while it lasts. In a few more years, they'll be teenagers, and then I'm sure I'll be begging for some grace. 

To be quite honest, I really thought I would hear something like, "Don't tell us to stop doing things so much." "Be nicer." "Give me food whenever I want instead of 'closing the kitchen' after a certain time." "Don't be so strict." I guess it made me realize that they're not as critical of me as I am of me. I don't think they go to bed at night thinking, "Man, I wish my mom would just lighten up and quit nagging me." As least, not for now. So, I feel a bit encouraged. 

P.S. I have a dear friend who is in the retirement phase of his life. Help him out and hop on over to his blog. Find him interesting? Go ahead and click "follow!" Don't find him interesting? Click "follow" anyway! The poor man is in the 2nd half of his life. In all seriousness, though, his insights on the retirement years are truly inspiring, and provide me with a little peek into what life may have in store for me a few years from now...

Chicken Slaughter: Take Two

We had a psycho chicken. Actually, I think she was just sick, and may have been missing a part of her tiny little chicken brain that should have told her to eat. The poor thing would stand in the same spot all day, while all the other chickens were out gallivanting around the property digging up worms and bugs and laying eggs. Even Captain Underpants (the rooster) didn't want to mate with her. And that means something. He is a male, after all. 

The last time we slaughtered a chicken, we chopped the head off since we had no idea what we were doing, and it seemed the easiest, swiftest way to accomplish the task. 

I've done lots of research since then, read a number of books and watched instructional videos online, and it seems that although there are differing opinions, hanging the chicken upside-down in a killing cone and slicing the throat (I know it sounds horrible) is actually just as humane and supposedly makes for less-tough meat. 

So, I finally ordered my killing cone, and it came in the mail yesterday. It was time to put psycho-chicken out of her misery. We didn't really want to eat her since we didn't know if she had a disease, so we decided to use her as an anatomy lesson for the kids. Homeschooling at its best! 

Here is the slaughtering area. It actually worked out great. I don't know that the previous owner of this property intended for it to be used for this, but it was as if it was made just for me! 

Before we slaughtered her, we gathered all the kids around and talked to them about why we were doing what we were doing. We explained that this chicken was one of God's loved creation, and that she was suffering and most likely in pain. We shared that it is our responsibility as her caregivers to ensure that she is not suffering if she doesn't need to be. They had all seen the miserable life she'd been living, and agreed that she was not a happy chicken. We made sure they understood that we respected her, and thanked the Lord for creating such a wonderful creature. I told them we were going to dissect her to see if we could see what was going on in her little body, and to see what the organs of a chicken look like. So, with that, I went ahead and put her in the killing cone. 

Unfortunately, she was a small chicken, and so she kept sliding around in the cone. Her feet stuck out of the bottom instead of her head. Hmmm...don't think that's how it was supposed to be. Superman helped re-position her, and then he took over the video responsibilities so we could have the kids' first chicken slaughtering experience on video. I slit her throat (with my brand new pinning knife--incredibly sharp!), and it only took a swipe or two, and she was bleeding out. I thought she was gone, so I let go, but that was probably a mistake. She started flopping around, and flopped right out of the cone, all the way across the slaughtering area, and right into the trash can! I guess she knew where she was headed in the end. 

After a few minutes, I took her out, cut her head off, and dropped her into a pot of scalding water for about 30 seconds. Her feathers came right off, and all the kids helped pluck her. 

In the end, the kids all seemed intrigued and honestly interested in learning about the different parts of her body. They weren't scared or crying or scarred. It was a great learning experience for all of us, and a really good reminder of just what goes into preparing the meat we just pick up from the store, nicely packaged and covered in plastic. Maybe not the way everyone wants to spend their Saturday morning, though. If there was any doubt in my mind whether I have fully converted to being a Country Girl, that is now vanished. I felt completely in my element and although I didn't enjoy the actual killing of the chicken, I believe it was necessary and justified. 

P.S. My new cowgirl hat is probably what completed my conversion.