When J-Man came to us, his parental rights terminated about 2 weeks later. Being new adoptive parents, we had no idea how the process works, what to expect, etc. Our social worker told us the mom had 60 days to appeal, but that she most likely wouldn't. And, she didn't. Thankfully.
We did discover, however, while perusing the documents detailing J-Man's life, the names of both birth parents. This got us thinking. Wouldn't it be great if we could have some photos of them? I mean, I'm not adopted, but I often long to know more about my dad's history since he passed away in 2000. I know he carried with him stories from abroad, where he grew up in India. I wished he had shared his language and his culture with us more. I can only imagine how those feelings would be magnified if I had never met my birth parents and didn't know who I looked like. I would imagine there would be a hole somewhere in me...longing to know who I came from, where I came from, whose nose I had, whose eyes I had.
So, with that, we decided to hire a private investigator to track down J-Man's birth parents and get some photos for us.
It took a few months, but in the end, we ended up with one photo of birth mom and a silent video of birth dad. Along with that came a good supply of info on both parents. We have those items locked up in a safe that's only for J-Man's eyes. No one else in our family has ever seen it, not even our other kids. When he's ready to share it with people, he is welcome to do it. Occasionally, we open up that safe, show J-Man who is birth parents were and remind him just how much we love him. We remind him that God put him in our lives, that we CHOSE him because he was the perfect boy for our family and that any time he has questions about where he came from, he can ask.
I'm so happy we made the decision to get those photos. We hope to update that file in a few years just so we can keep tabs on them; that way if J-Man decides when he's grown that he wants to find his birth parents, he won't have to trudge through 20 years of mystery to find them.
M-Dog, N and G were all such a different story--since we did visits with birth mom for awhile, I just asked (through the social worker) for her to bring photos and a letter to each of the kids at their last meeting. She obliged, so they each have something from her. We also set up an e-mail account so both the birth parents could send messages at any time to the kids.
I'm curious to see whether our kids will have a desire to find their birth parents later in life. As much as I want to hold on to them as "my own," I know that it's not my right to hold them back from something so important should they decide they need to discover their histories.
What are your feelings on this?
We did discover, however, while perusing the documents detailing J-Man's life, the names of both birth parents. This got us thinking. Wouldn't it be great if we could have some photos of them? I mean, I'm not adopted, but I often long to know more about my dad's history since he passed away in 2000. I know he carried with him stories from abroad, where he grew up in India. I wished he had shared his language and his culture with us more. I can only imagine how those feelings would be magnified if I had never met my birth parents and didn't know who I looked like. I would imagine there would be a hole somewhere in me...longing to know who I came from, where I came from, whose nose I had, whose eyes I had.
So, with that, we decided to hire a private investigator to track down J-Man's birth parents and get some photos for us.
It took a few months, but in the end, we ended up with one photo of birth mom and a silent video of birth dad. Along with that came a good supply of info on both parents. We have those items locked up in a safe that's only for J-Man's eyes. No one else in our family has ever seen it, not even our other kids. When he's ready to share it with people, he is welcome to do it. Occasionally, we open up that safe, show J-Man who is birth parents were and remind him just how much we love him. We remind him that God put him in our lives, that we CHOSE him because he was the perfect boy for our family and that any time he has questions about where he came from, he can ask.
I'm so happy we made the decision to get those photos. We hope to update that file in a few years just so we can keep tabs on them; that way if J-Man decides when he's grown that he wants to find his birth parents, he won't have to trudge through 20 years of mystery to find them.
M-Dog, N and G were all such a different story--since we did visits with birth mom for awhile, I just asked (through the social worker) for her to bring photos and a letter to each of the kids at their last meeting. She obliged, so they each have something from her. We also set up an e-mail account so both the birth parents could send messages at any time to the kids.
I'm curious to see whether our kids will have a desire to find their birth parents later in life. As much as I want to hold on to them as "my own," I know that it's not my right to hold them back from something so important should they decide they need to discover their histories.
What are your feelings on this?
+%5B50%25%5D.JPG)
+%5B50%25%5D.JPG)
+%5B50%25%5D.JPG)
+%5B50%25%5D.JPG)
