Days 5, 6 & 7 of the Advent Angel...and SNOW!

On the morning of Day 5, the Angel left the classic movie "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." Day 6 was a different kind of gift...

Saturday our kids were, well...out of sorts. There was arguing and bickering, whining and disobeying. The Advent Angel sure as heck didn't think they deserved anything on Sunday morning. So, when the kids opened up the little box on Sunday, they were a bit suprised:

I know, we're mean parents. But these kids seriously didn't deserve anything that morning. I think they were shocked that the Angel would actually not leave anything. Sunday they were sure acting a lot better!

And this morning, this beautiful Monday morning, the Lord blessed us with snow! Here in our little northern California town, where snow is just something we see when we go to the mountains, it was a beautiful sight to see.

And we've been informed by the Advent Angel that tonight we will be delighting in hot cocoa and playing a family game *in the dark*!

Days 3 & 4 of the Advent Angel

Day 3 the Advent Angel surprised the kids with a gingerbread house to make as a family. Notice how beautiful the completed house is on the box...

Squeezing the icing to soften it...

Mmmm....candy. It was hard for me not to munch on it. I lived vicariously through the kids.

Almost done with the house!

The completed house. Now tell me that doesn't look just as good as the pic on the box??

Whoops. This morning I came out and found our house 1/2 roofless. I guess this is why the box says to wait 2-3 hours before you decorate the house. Oh, well. The deal was if it fell apart, the kids get to eat it. Guess they'll all be on a sugar high tonight!

This morning the Angel left $1 for each kid. Lucky ducks!

I think the Angel is gonna leave something the kids are *really* gonna love tomorrow (but mommy and daddy...not so much)!

How does a marriage survive?

A blogging friend suggested I write about how to keep a marriage alive in the midst of raising many small children. What a *great* topic!

Of course, this really doesn't apply to me, since Superman and I are naturally in sync, never in disagreement, and our kids never require more of us than we can easily handle. We have never desperately needed a break. We have never felt guilty about making some poor souls (namely, Superman's parents) have to watch a slough of kids so we could have some time to gaze lovingly into each other's eyes. We have never complained about the continuous flow of paperwork, social worker visits, or unending requirements we have to complete in order to be parents. Nope.

Of course, in all actuality, maintaining a healthy marriage is something that we have to continually work at . I must be completely honest, though, and admit that we have been blessed with a rock solid marriage. We disagree little, and argue rarely. In fact, I can't remember the last time we actually had an argument. But, that being said, it is still extraordinarily difficult at times to maintain my role as wife and not just mom . I think it comes naturally to most moms to put the needs of the kids first--they are, after all, clinging desperately to our legs, snot running down their faces, and crying for attention. And although our dear husbands may not be quite so obvious, they do still cry for attention.

So, here's the top 5 tidbits I've learned so far over our 11 years of marriage:

1. God comes first. Then Superman. Then our kids. Any time I've tried to move the priorities around a bit, the consequences are evident in my life.

2. Superman has only a few needs: food, love (physical and emotional) and encouragement. He needs to know that I think he's #1 and that I'm behind him no matter what.

3. I have to sacrifice. There are many times I don't want to do things, and I still have to do them. Now, just because I know this doesn't mean I always DO this. But, hey, at least I acknowledge it.

4. Superman is our family's leader. I submit to him. Ok, now before you all go getting your panties in a bunch, I'm not a doormat. I don't blindly agree with everything Superman says and just mutter to myself about how I resent him. I always let him know my opinion, but ultimately, I let him choose which path to take. I mean, in the end, he has to answer for his decisions, and as long as he knows where I stand, I'm good. It does help that I fully trust him--it would be a lot harder to follow this "rule" if I didn't agree with where he was headed.

5. Date nights are important. This is one area where I really struggle. I would love to claim a date night every week with Superman. That would be superb. But it's just not possible. I feel guilty any time someone has to watch all our kids, and I usually hate to ask unless we have some pre-arranged function to attend. I would love to hire a babysitter, but the day I trust some teenager alone with our kids is the day, well, you know.

There are many more nuggets I've learned, but I don't want this post to get so long that no one wants to read it.

Maybe I'll continue this another day...so, for those of you out there with small kids, big kids, or even no kids, how do you keep your marriage or relationship a priority?

P.S. I must say it has been tempting at times to utilize respite care. Even though we do have the luxury of having family around, I don't ever want to burden them so much with our kids that they resent having to watch them, you know? We've never actually crossed that threshold, though. Have you? If so, how was your experience?

Day 2 of the Advent Angel

Easy for the Angel and yummy for the kids!

I'm excited for Day 3!

Day 1 of the Advent Angel

Day one opened with a note from the Advent Angel (sorry for the wrinkles--little hands work quickly!)

I wanted to rent a Christmas movie, but Redbox was all out--so Casper's Scare School it was.

The kids got COKE! Boy, were they excited. Little did they know it was caffeine-free Coke. Oh, well; I think the placebo worked just as well...they were jumping on the couch later.

M looks like he was crying, but he was actually happy. I took like 10 different shots of him, and his eyes were closed or nearly-closed in all of them, so this is the best we got:

It was a wonderful night. Fun family time, and popcorn everywhere! G was more interested in dumping her popcorn out instead of eating it. Thank goodness for the vacuum. =)

To Save A Life Movie

I'm so excited about this!

Superman's childhood friend and her husband wrote and produced this movie that is coming out in theaters in January! I'm so excited for them, and love the message the movie brings.

Check it out!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!!

I know it's only Thanksgiving, but as I've gotten older (not OLD...oldER), I've realized how fast time flies. And Christmas time is my favorite time of year, so I want to enjoy it! Please don't rush it! I need to enjoy it more! So, we put up our tree on Monday...today Superman studded our house with adorable white lights...ah, I can smell the Christmas-ness in the air...

My dear friend Amber, who has an incredible blog posted this wonderful idea of Hot Chocolate on a Stick. She was kind enough to give us a sampling, and a few nights ago, our kiddos tried it out. N decided that eating the chocolate straight off the stick was the best way to go...my kinda gal!

Every year from Dec. 1st - 24th, the "Advent Angel" comes to our house. It's a little tradition I started when our boys were 2. Every night the "angel" leaves a note in the box that gives a clue of where to go...i.e., "Go to where your daddy poops." When they get to the location, there is a little trinket waiting for them. I usually hit up Wishing Well and buy a bunch of those 5-or-10-cent things and stash them away. They work really well. But this year, I think I'm going to avoid the cheap trinkets and do something a bit different...each day, the angel will tell the kids what activity we'll be doing that night...watch a Christmas movie together, read a Christmas story together, play a game in the dark, do kind things for other people, etc. On the 25th (Christmas), the kids leave something for the Advent Angel; thank-you notes, drawings, cookies, etc. It has become a much-looked-forward-to event in our home.

I just love having the Christmas tree up. There's something about having all the lights off in the house, and the tree lit...

Here's N admiring the ornaments...

She and G looked at the tree for a good 1/2 hour after it was put up.

Every year after Christmas, I wait until all the Christmas stuff is 75% off at Target. Then I stock up for the following year! Such fun. Last year I bought these mini-trees and mini-ornaments for less than $10 for 6 trees and 4 boxes of ornaments. The kids had a blast each decorating their own trees, and it kept them occupied for, oh, at least 30 minutes...which is like an eternity around here.

So many fun Christmas traditions...we also do the 12 days of Christmas and do an act of service for someone...make cookies for the police station and fire station, rake someone's leaves, etc. Oh, and one of my personal favorites, we give out an award each year to the family that has the best decorations (in our opinions). We usually bake cookies and make a poster, but this year I may go official and get a REAL plaque made! I'm stoked about that one. I'm sure I'll be posting more. What are some of yours?

And the winner is...

...Please excuse the dirty fingernails. =)

Congratulations!! Thank you to each of you who entered--and thanks for your blog topic ideas!

Rambling Mother, I'll mail out your gift card by the end of the week. Please let me know when you get it!

Giveaway Update!

Ok, gals. We've all had the sickies around here...pretty sure Superman brought the piggy flu into our house (as is apparent from the pic above).

It spread to J-Man, who went on to go to the E.R. after a bad asthma attack. I got knocked down Saturday night, but I'm on the up and up now! I'll be doing the drawing for the $20 Target gift card tomorrow sometime.

So, if you're interested, go to THIS entry for the rule-i-oes.

Another giveaway!

Who loves Target??? I do! I do! Who wants a $20 Target gift card??? I do! I do!

Alas, it is not for me...but for one of you lucky people!

Here's what I need you to do:

1. Post a comment on this thread with a topic you would like me to write about on my blog. It can be adoption-related, or not.

2. If you have a blog, post a link to my blog on yours.

That's all, friends! I'll do the giveaway early next week. Good luck!!!

Cracking

Have you ever been at your wits' end with one of your children? Pretty much given up hope that he or she will turn out to be a contributing member of society? Worried that he or she will forever be self-absorbed, selfish and not have an ounce of compassion? Well, maybe not, but that's pretty much where I fall at times with one of our little ones. It seems that every so often, this particular child subconsciously decides he will challenge my abilities as a parent, bring me to the brink of tears and make me question what in the heck I'm doing. And of course, Satan uses this prime opportunity to plant seeds of discouragement in my heart. Am I the only one?

This child I speak of has, over the last month, been consistently trouble-making. Not caring about consequences, he has had many privileges taken away, and wasn't phased one bit. We tried everything--being extra harsh, being extra encouraging, positive reinforcement, long talks, Biblical references--everything. Nothing broke through the disobedient nature we were trying to break.

It wasn't like this child was doing awful things. It was just that he was doing wrong regularly, seemingly on purpose, and having no regard for how other people {namely his mommy} were feeling.

After a month of feeling beaten down and discouraged, feeling as though this child would surely grow up thinking only of himself, I gave up. I prayed and told the Lord that He must have found the wrong parent for this child. I could not be the right mommy for him. "So, Lord," I said, "you need to take care of this. I've got nothing else to try."

Now this prayer was silent. There was no big family meeting, no discussion with the child; it was between the Lord and me. I didn't even mention it to Superman, because I figured the issue was mostly with me anyway. I mean, Superman understood there were problems, but it was generally me dealing with things since I am the one home all day.

That was on a Friday.

The weekend was fine.

Monday came, and I think my child sensed the relaxation that had come over me. Maybe I was more high-strung than I realized before, because my sweet boy has returned! It's been a good 4 days now, and I have hope again.

The Lord has once again proven to me, that He will indeed let me get to the point of cracking. But he will not let me shatter. Maybe next time this child is going through his "selfish" phase, I can let go of control faster. Maybe instead of trying for a month to "fix" things, I can remember to just let go and let God. Yeah, I know...cliche. But it's oh, so true.

We only have so much power as parents, ya know. I mean, all I can do is do my best to be the woman who God wants me to be, try to be a living example to my kids, and pray that the Lord keeps His hand on them. I mean, really, I have little to no control over what paths they choose to go down. I can't take it personally when they act out. I just have to remember they are who they are...and the Lord made them that way for a reason. Each of them is blessed with gifts, and if we find those gifts and nurture them, I think we've done our job.

"Waiting Children"

Can you believe there are over 80,000 kids in foster care just in California? Did you know 46% of them will experience 3 or more foster placements? Did you know the average time a child waits in foster care to be adopted is 44 months?

I don't know what it is about these waiting children that makes me want to scoop them up and bring them home. Almost 42% of these "waiting kids" are between the ages of 13-21. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being a teenager without a place to call home? Can you imagine going through the hormonal changes of adolescence without having your mom or dad there to guide you through it? Can you imagine every birthday and Christmas just wishing that someone would pick you to be their child? Can you imagine being rejected time after time after time? Can you imagine...growing up, being sent out on your own, with nowhere to go??

I tell you, these older kids weigh heavy on my heart.

When we were first thinking of adopting, Superman and I agreed we were willing to take a child up to the age of 5. We hadn't been parents before, and didn't feel as though we would know what to do with a child older than that. But then we got pregnant. That pretty much changed everything. We had this little boy to consider. What would happen if we messed up that birth order that the adoption agency talked about so much? What would happen if we brought an "older" child into our home, and they acted out against our sweet little boy? So, we made the decision to keep him as our eldest.

I'm happy with that decision, especially now seeing what a "typical" first child he is...Type-A personality, perfectionist, bossy. But I still think about those older kids.

There are times when Superman comes home from teaching eighth graders with stories of hurting kids. I just want him to take them out of their messed up home lives and transplant them into our home. I wish it was as easy as that.

I still wonder if when our kids are teenagers, or even out of the house, I will want to bring in some teenage foster kids who desperately need a home. But, let's keep that between you and I for now. I don't think I've ever mentioned that to Superman yet. And even though I'm sure he'd be receptive, I don't want to scare him away. I mean, we do have five kids already...that's probably enough for now. Anyone want to take in a few teenagers so I can live vicariously?

Ode To Superman (and our marriage).

Superman.

My Godly,
hilarious,
perfect balance of me.

The most wonderful dad in the world.

When looking for a photo of him to post on this blog, I realized I have only a few of him all by himself. I need to change that.

When God created this man, He must have perfectly combined the necessary ingredients to come up with a soul mate just for me. And I don't use the term "soul mate" lightly. He is, without a doubt, the epitome of my other half.

When we were first married, I was a wreck. I mean, I was pretty darn messed up. I had never really witnessed in depth what a healthy marriage was. I had seen the way my mom was treated by my dad and knew that I never was going to be treated that way. I was mean. I was angry. I was manipulative. But only to my husband. I suppose I knew no one else would take such abuse from me.

But, I digress. Those first 6 months of marriage were a nightmare for me, and I'm sure a night horror for Superman. We would get in an argument (usually provoked by me), and I would say, "Why don't you just divorce me?" Poor, poor Superman. He was and is a patient man. He would assure me that divorce simply was not an option, and that I was stuck with him no matter what.

One day, Superman said something that changed my life. He said, "Shanti, you need to make a change. I'm willing to help you, but I will not be treated like this. You need to go to counseling. I'll go with you if you want me to, but you are in serious need of help."

No one had ever called me on my behavior before. I was a master at being the kind, bubbly, outgoing girl with everyone in my life, except for the person who was closest to me.

A few short months after that conversation, I gave my life to the Lord. I had accepted the Lord into my life years before, but I had never truly given my life to Him. And I have Superman to thank for prompting me to do so. It was his perseverance and devotion to me that saved our marriage and changed it from one of anguish to one filled with joy, love and true happiness.

Superman is wise beyond his years. He leads our family effortlessly (or at least makes it look that way). He is not afraid to take risks, in fact he seeks out ways to stretch himself so he doesn't get complacent. He is fully devoted to following the Lord's will for his life and will do whatever is necessary in order to accomplish that. He is not fearful of the future or uncertainties. He is confident that the Lord will provide and that whatever trials we go through are directly related to His will for us.

I wish I could share this man with everyone. Alas, he is an introvert. Put him around a group of adults, and he turns into a quiet observer. Put him in a room with his family or close friends, however, and it's like he is a different person. Here's an example of that:




Or here:



Superman is a teacher by trade and was made to have a lasting impact on his students. He is a natural in the classroom, and he actually makes math fun (as you can see from the serious video above).

I love this man more with each passing year. And I really mean that. He is not perfect, but he's pretty much as close to it as one can get.

How did a week go by?

I don't think it's possible that a week just flew by without me writing in this blog. I must have been in some alternate universe, because I'm sure it's only been a few days.

At any rate, my calendar informs me that it is November 2nd today. That's right--it's almost Christmas! I know, I know, let's not neglect poor little Thanksgiving. I do love Thanksgiving, but mostly because it is a gateway to Christmas.

Last week in my Bible study (we're doing a Precepts study on the book of John), we had a fun time of fellowship. We have a few new gals who joined our group this year, and we were supposed to sit next to someone we don't know very well and get to know her better. We were specifically supposed to share a bit about our childhoods.

During the course of the conversation, my favorite memory came up. Christmas.

I think that word deserves the italics.

There wasn't a lot of stability in our home, but my grandparents lived just down the street. Their involvement in our lives was vital to me turning out to be a confident, contented, "normal" woman. I'm sure I'm not abnormal in any way. =)

Christmas morning, my grandparents would call before they left their house to tell us how many "helpers" they needed. The more helpers, the more presents! I know, this seems completely trivial and shallow, but for a child, it was a true source of glee. My grandparents are still pluggin' along...ages 96 and 91!

I often think about where our kids would be if they weren't with us. I think about how on Christmas morning, they would only have a temporary family. They wouldn't know the sheer joy of feeling unconditionally loved, carrying no burdens {as children shouldn't}. They wouldn't have a life filled with fond memories of Christmas morning, hot cocoa, sticky buns, stockings, and presents. It tears me apart to know there are thousands and thousands of children, just right here in California who will grow up in foster care, only to age out of the system without a family to come home to every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and on all those days when they just need a shoulder to cry on. Sigh. I wish there was more we could do.

Christmas is my favorite time of year...people tend to be more giving, they want to help others, they seek out ways to help neighbors. It would be nice if it was like that all year, eh?

So, what is your favorite childhood memory?

Pumpkins and Motivation

It's amazing how quickly a child can scarf down his lunch when there's a piece of candy waiting for him at the other end. Candy is a pretty hot commodity around here since the kids don't eat it often. And when they gain a big stash all at once, they get one piece after lunch and one after dinner. So you better believe when they have an opportunity arise, they seize it.

We went to our church's Trunk-or-Treat last night. This was no ordinary Trunk-or-Treat. I heard they were expecting around 10,000 people?? I think that was a conservative estimate. The event was held at the county fairgrounds on the Speedway. Pretty cool! We got there right at starting time, and there were already a few thousand people there, I'm sure. Here's a picture of my father-in-law pushing the girls through the sea of people:


We also did some obligatory pumpkin-carving over the weekend. The weather could not have been more perfectly delightful. We decided to take advantage of the girls napping and had the boys clean out their pumpkins and draw faces on them. Then Superman cut them out...ain't no way we were gonna let those boys go free with carving knives (even though J-Man is pictured below with a pumpkin carver)...ahem.



The pumpkins got me thinking...just about how we all have gunk. I mean, we all have things that we'd like to scoop out of ourselves. And don't tell me you don't...because that would be lying. None of us is a perfect pumpkin. I'm just glad we have a Lord who is willing to take us--gunk and all. And that I have a Savior who will take away as much of that icky stuff as I'll let Him. I mean, if I want to hold on to the sticky stuff, He won't fight me on it. But I think we all know we'd all be a lot happier if we just let the gunk go.

I {HEART} Adoption!

It's funny how I don't remember knowing anyone who was adopted when I was growing up. It must have just been invented since I was an adult, because there weren't any people who adopted "back then." Or, maybe it just wasn't talked about as much. Yeah, maybe that.

Even before Superman and I adopted the first time around, I really didn't hear people talking about adopting, or being adopted, or why chocolate is one of God's divine creations. Oh wait, strike that last remark. That's a whole different topic.

As soon as we opened that door, however, it was like the Lord decided to let a shower of touching personal stories from complete strangers come gushing through the opening we just unveiled. I met people in the grocery store, at the park, at church, and at one point in my Bible study there were 4 woman out of 10 who had adopted! Just me opening my mouth and saying, "We're going through the adoption process" catapulted me into some new realm of existence among the adoption world. People were open. People were sharing.

Many people, including some extended family had great concerns about us adopting, especially since Mr. C was still less than a year old. It would be too much to handle (which it almost was at times). Mr. C would be neglected because of the attention we would have to give the new child. We should just have our "own" kids so we wouldn't have to deal with other people's mistakes. (Yup. A family member said that.) Mr. C would be permanently scarred (heck, he probably has a better chance of turning out normal by having so many siblings!) And a plethora of other discouragements I like to call "the Enemy's attempts" at thwarting the Lord's will for our lives.

I have friends, a surprising number, who are in the process of adopting. I can't begin to say the rejoicing my heart feels when I hear someone is adopting. It's easier for someone to say, "I've always wanted to adopt" (which we hear all the time) than to actually go out and do it. Just today I had a friend tell me she and her husband dropped their paperwork off at an adoption agency. And it made me cry. Ok, I wasn't full-out balling, but I did get a couple tears welling up in my eyes. There's just something about adoption that starts a shiver of glee in my insides. I giggle. I twitch. I get giddy. And I love it.

Discouragements abound when one goes through the adoption process. There are classes that still need to be taken, paperwork that still needs to be filled out, references that still need to be submitted, patience that needs to be learned, and the myriad of other things that one must do in order to help a waiting child. And I think that Satan (yes, he is real) delights in our dismay. But oh, the joy that you feel when you meet that child. That ONE (or two, or three...) special child(ren) the Lord has knitted in someone else's womb only to be raised by you. Cherished, adored, and loved by you. It is a fruit like no other. The sweetest, most wonderful fruit you can imagine.

Oh, how I {HEART} adoption!

Refined Sugar Is Not My Friend

So this has nothing to do with adoption, or birth parents or really anything related to kids. Unless you want to relate it to the sugar addiction I've battled since my youth. Ok, so it really hasn't been a battle. I lost a long time ago. But I'm coming back with a vengeance. I may have lost {many} battles, but I shall not lose the war!

I've tried a few times to kick the sugar habit. I've been through detox. I've quit eating sweets for months at a time. And then I decide to reintroduce that wonderful stuff back into my life. I'll just eat sweets once a month...just once a week...just once a day....just once an hour. And then, once again, somehow I've been overtaken by my taste buds to delight in the wonderful sugary-ness of baked goods or candy or ice cream.

The problem isn't that I just eat occasional sweets. The problem is that I don't know how to stop. It literally is like an addiction. I can't eat just one cookie. I love to bake. I mean, I love to bake. It makes me happy. But by the time the first batch of cookies is done, I've already eaten like 3 cookies worth of dough. And then I'll just have a couple cookies since I have to make sure they're safe for the rest of the family to eat.

I'm lucky in that I do find great pleasure in running. I'm not overweight by any means, but a few months ago, I was reading through the book of Philippians, and I came across this verse: "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and...their mind is on earthly things." (Phil. 3:19) I don't think I'm a glutton, but when I have sugar in my life, it tends to take over quickly. And I shouldn't be ok with that. If I spent as much time focusing my mind on the Lord instead of how incredibly tasty my baked goods are, I would be a much better person.

So, I've decided to make a life change.

I'm not cutting out baked goods or sweets or yummy foods. But I am making a conscious choice to be conscious of what I'm putting into this temple the Lord has given me. Superman is one of those people naturally drawn to healthiness (lucky duck) so he was on board to try this with me. So we're now on day four of our "no refined sugar" kick. I want to see if I feel different, better. I have had chronic pain in my joints for years and years and I want to see if making this dietary change happens to help. I've tried pretty much everything else, so why not this?

I don't expect to cut out all refined sugar forever. I know there will be times when I will enjoy a sweet delight with a friend. And I'm not going to force our kids to never eat sweets. Halloween is, after all, just a few weeks away, and there are birthday parties, school parties, and just fun at friends' houses. But, we will be aware. We will be sensitive to how we are treating our bodies. When I can, I will substitute natural sugars for refined sugars in my baking. I will do my best to treat this body with the respect it deserves and to be thankful for it. I have no right to abuse it!

Anyone else want to join me?

On Birthparents...

When J-Man came to us, his parental rights terminated about 2 weeks later. Being new adoptive parents, we had no idea how the process works, what to expect, etc. Our social worker told us the mom had 60 days to appeal, but that she most likely wouldn't. And, she didn't. Thankfully.

We did discover, however, while perusing the documents detailing J-Man's life, the names of both birth parents. This got us thinking. Wouldn't it be great if we could have some photos of them? I mean, I'm not adopted, but I often long to know more about my dad's history since he passed away in 2000. I know he carried with him stories from abroad, where he grew up in India. I wished he had shared his language and his culture with us more. I can only imagine how those feelings would be magnified if I had never met my birth parents and didn't know who I looked like. I would imagine there would be a hole somewhere in me...longing to know who I came from, where I came from, whose nose I had, whose eyes I had.

So, with that, we decided to hire a private investigator to track down J-Man's birth parents and get some photos for us.

It took a few months, but in the end, we ended up with one photo of birth mom and a silent video of birth dad. Along with that came a good supply of info on both parents. We have those items locked up in a safe that's only for J-Man's eyes. No one else in our family has ever seen it, not even our other kids. When he's ready to share it with people, he is welcome to do it. Occasionally, we open up that safe, show J-Man who is birth parents were and remind him just how much we love him. We remind him that God put him in our lives, that we CHOSE him because he was the perfect boy for our family and that any time he has questions about where he came from, he can ask.

I'm so happy we made the decision to get those photos. We hope to update that file in a few years just so we can keep tabs on them; that way if J-Man decides when he's grown that he wants to find his birth parents, he won't have to trudge through 20 years of mystery to find them.

M-Dog, N and G were all such a different story--since we did visits with birth mom for awhile, I just asked (through the social worker) for her to bring photos and a letter to each of the kids at their last meeting. She obliged, so they each have something from her. We also set up an e-mail account so both the birth parents could send messages at any time to the kids.

I'm curious to see whether our kids will have a desire to find their birth parents later in life. As much as I want to hold on to them as "my own," I know that it's not my right to hold them back from something so important should they decide they need to discover their histories.

What are your feelings on this?

Comments

I've had a number of interesting comments and inquiries from people over the years. Now, I generally don't get offended by people's remarks. I think they are usually completely innocent and come from genuine curiosity. It would just be nice if people could naturally know that some of these questions should be asked in private, not right in front of our kids...we have made a commitment that we don't talk about the kids' histories with anyone, including family. Their stories are their stories to tell, so the dirty details remain between us and them. And usually, that's what I tell people when they ask about specifics of the kids' pasts.

When walking around with the boys at this age:

"Awww! Are they twins?" (Um, I know they look a lot alike, but....)

"Are they quadruplets??" (Seriously!)

"Why don't you just have your own kids?"

or, in another instance, sympathetically said, "Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?"

"He (referring to J-Man) would be better off in foster care than in a white family" Yup.

"How many more kids are you going to take?!"

"Why doesn't someone just sterilize those kids' mom??" (I can understand this question given birth mom's history, but still--not a great question to ask in front of the kids!)

"He's probably acting that way because of his past."

"Is he/she a drug baby?" or, "Was he a crack baby?" or, "Was his mom on crack?" or, "Did their mom do drugs and alcohol?"

"Why did the kids get taken away?" (which, by the way, I think is a valid question, I just don't really want to share that with people.)

"There can be a lot of problems that manifest themselves when he gets older."

"There's nothing you can do--genetics play too big a role."

I really am ok with inquiring minds. As a matter of fact, before we adopted, I was probably a lot more likely to ask some of these questions to people. I enjoy talking about adoption and our kids. But I don't enjoy people assuming things about our kids just because they've come from foster care.

So, for those of you out there who have adopted, what has been one (or more) of the most outlandish questions you've received?

Everyone else, what do you think?

We have a winner!!!

Congratulations to Obladi from "0 to 30 in 90 Days"!! You've won! You've won!

E-mail me at the addy on the right-hand side of my page and let me know your mailing address and which prize you choose.

Congrats!

Thanks everyone for participating in my giveaway. I'll be doing another one sometime before Christmas, so make sure you keep checking back!

Family Needed

A dear fellow adoptive mom and blogger who I have recently had the pleasure of coming across is going through a horribly horrific time. Please read her post HERE and spread the word if you know of anyone who can help this family.

Last Day to Enter the Giveaway!!

Enter HERE !

Ok, people! It's time for a giveaway!!!

That's right! I said GIVEAWAY!!

I told you when I got up to 10 followers, I would do my first giveaway, and that you wouldn't be disappointed.

Soooo....here's the deal.

1. You post a link to my blog on your blog.
2. You leave me a comment here, on THIS entry.
3. THAT'S IT!!!

I will randomly pick a winner (out of a hat...or bucket...or kids' hand) on Saturday morning and post the winner here!

And the BEST part:

You get to CHOOSE what prize you want:

A $20 Starbucks gift card

OR

a *SURPRISE* gift package valued at $20!

You decide!

So get to it, gals! These prizes are burning holes in my pockets!

Lookie, lookie!

My new friend over at The Accidental Mommy gave me an award. I have no idea what this means, but I'm following the directions because if I don't, I'll have bad luck for 7 years and my nose will fall off, right?

This award does come with a few rules;
Answer the survey below…you can only use one word answers!
Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
Alert them that you have given them this award!
Have Fun!

Where is your cell phone?- Someone needs to call it – purse.
Your hair? -cutting
Your mother?- quiet
Your father? – died

Your favorite food?-pizza
Your dream last night?- yes
Your favorite drink? water
Your dream/goal? – therapist
What room are you in?- family
Your hobby?- running
Your Fear?- heights
Where do you want to be in 6 years? –cruising
Where were you last night? – asleep
Something that you aren’t? manly
Muffins? blueberry
Wish list item? housekeeper
Where did you grow up? california
Last thing you did? typed
What are you wearing? clothes
Your TV? on
Your pets? chickens
Friends? great!
Your life? draining
Your mood? nonchalant
Missing someone? nope
Vehicle? van
Something you’re not wearing? eyepatch
Your favorite store? target
Your favorite color? red
When was the last time you laughed? 12:45
Last time you cried? september
One place that I go to over and over? toilet
One person who emails me regularly? family
Favorite place to eat? claim jumper


Here are my nominees:

http://giverslog.com/ -- the source of all things gift-related
http://deliveredfromheaven.blogspot.com/
http://0to3in90days.blogspot.com/
http://parentinginourfishbowl.blogspot.com/
http://borninourheart.blogspot.com/
http://alwayswanted4.blogspot.com/

The "G" is for...

G...

My pixie-like,
adorable,
tad bit high-maintenance
girl.

As much as I'd like to show her incredibly delightful face, since we're still not finalized, I decided against it.

Miss G is the consummate completion to our family. As I stated here, I was initially freaked out about the idea of bringing another child into our house. And although it has definitely been a challenge (to put it mildly) at times, having a sister for Naomi has been like eating a warm cupcake and discovering there's oozing chocolate in the middle.

G is definitely a mommy's girl right now. But that's completely by her choice. Superman is just waiting for her to realize the power she has over him (not that he would admit that). She won't go to anyone else if I'm around without screaming bloody murder. But, I have hope that she won't be 16 and freaking out that I'm going to disappear when I go around the corner. Although at that point, I'll probably wish she did.

G is so darn adorable. I mean, really. When I referred to her as a pixie above, I wasn't really exaggerating. She has these dainty features and this cute smile with little dimples that just make her look like a mini-angel on earth. Sure, she's high maintenance right now, but that's ok. She's earned it.

She's so close to walking (which, by the way, I thought she'd do at least a month ago since she was standing on her own before crawling...). I think once she actually gets the confidence up, she'll be good to go.

She's turning one this month. So strange. I remember when we first got her at 6 weeks old, I felt like her first birthday was soooo far away. But, here it is coming up!

Her parental rights were terminated a few months ago, and now we're just in the appeal process. Birth mom has appealed every decision possible with all her kids, so it really was no surprise. We're just in a waiting game at this point hoping that 6-9 months from now our family will officially be complete!

So, that wraps up our kiddos. Would you like to know the dirty details of Superman?

My Sweet N...

N...

My tough,
spunky,
"girly" girl.

She was seriously made in Heaven just for our family. Of course, all of our children were, but it is just so apparent with her.

Superman and I had always said we were just going to have boys. We knew it. We had Mr. C and J-Dog, and just knew that we would continue our tradition with just boys. We didn't know what to do with girls. I mean, I am one, but for some reason, I just couldn't picture myself as a mom of a girl.

But then N came along. I fell in love with her. And Superman, who said if he ever did have a girl (which he wouldn't) he wouldn't treat her any differently than his boys. Of course. But that little lady has wrapped that man so tight around her finger I think her circulation is getting cut off. She just has to bat her eyes at him and he melts into a blubbering mess. Oh, we never knew what we were missing.

Having a girl changed our home forever. N is a tomboy at heart. Having three older brothers has ensured her citizenship in the City of Toughness. She falls down hills, gets blood, bonks her head, wrestles with her daddy (and {adoring} brothers). But, but...she loves pink. She is like a magnet to all things glittery, shiny and feminine. She loves purses and shoes. She's a girl. And I *love* it!

She loves her daddy like nothing else. Which is funny since for the first few months after she came to us, she couldn't handle him even looking at her. She would cling to me like nothing else. But now, if she gets an ow-eee, it's to daddy she runs. That man holds her heart, and I could not be happier. Seeing the tenderness she has brought to him fills me with sheer delight. Those two are molded together. She is the perfect daughter for Superman...the perfect balance of guts, spunk and tenderness.

And to top it off, after getting her little sister G, I've been blessed to see the nurturing, mothering side of her, and it's oh, so beautiful.

And tomorrow I will present our sweet little G!

{Parenting in a Fishbowl}

I came across an adoption blog the other day titled, "Parenting in a Fishbowl," and now I can't find it for the life of me. I followed a link through someone else's blog, but I can't remember who.

At any rate, I thought that title was so fitting for our life.

We've finalized with all the kids except G, so we're still considered "foster parents."

G falls and gets a bump on her head...gotta e-mail the social worker. She gets sick and I take her to the doc...gotta e-mail the social worker and get a form filled out...and proceed to send it in. Have to give G Tylenol for her fever...gotta log it in. We're due for our "disaster drill" (which, by the way, I think is a great idea, I just don't wanna have to report it and log it...)

We want to go on a vacation...gotta e-mail the social worker. Want to go on a cruise to Mexico with the kids...oh, wait! We can't take G out of the country.

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Our homestudy expires this month, so we had to re-do a bunch of paperwork, renew our CPR, take a water-safety course (even though we don't have any bodies of water in our yard), get updated references, and a number of other titillating pieces of red tape.

But the thing that bothers me the most is having to report to someone about *everything.* Having a social worker come every month to "check" on us, and knowing that G isn't technically ours is an emotional drain at times.

I gave up a long time ago trying to set up a "love boundary" with our kids. I realized when J was placed with us way back when that I could either give 100% or nothing. There was really no "middle ground" for me. I couldn't hold back my love while waiting for finalization.

So, here I am. I forget that G is still a foster child. She's legally not ours yet. She's technically someone else's.

I understand why the powers-that-be have to keep tabs on kids in the foster care system, I'm just ready to be done. It will be a seriously awesome day in our house when we get that piece of paper saying she is ours. Seriously. Y'all better watch out that day, cuz the world's gonna shake with the joy that leaps from my core.