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Thursday, October 1, 2009

{Parenting in a Fishbowl}

I came across an adoption blog the other day titled, "Parenting in a Fishbowl," and now I can't find it for the life of me. I followed a link through someone else's blog, but I can't remember who.

At any rate, I thought that title was so fitting for our life.

We've finalized with all the kids except G, so we're still considered "foster parents."

G falls and gets a bump on her head...gotta e-mail the social worker. She gets sick and I take her to the doc...gotta e-mail the social worker and get a form filled out...and proceed to send it in. Have to give G Tylenol for her fever...gotta log it in. We're due for our "disaster drill" (which, by the way, I think is a great idea, I just don't wanna have to report it and log it...)

We want to go on a vacation...gotta e-mail the social worker. Want to go on a cruise to Mexico with the kids...oh, wait! We can't take G out of the country.

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Our homestudy expires this month, so we had to re-do a bunch of paperwork, renew our CPR, take a water-safety course (even though we don't have any bodies of water in our yard), get updated references, and a number of other titillating pieces of red tape.

But the thing that bothers me the most is having to report to someone about *everything.* Having a social worker come every month to "check" on us, and knowing that G isn't technically ours is an emotional drain at times.

I gave up a long time ago trying to set up a "love boundary" with our kids. I realized when J was placed with us way back when that I could either give 100% or nothing. There was really no "middle ground" for me. I couldn't hold back my love while waiting for finalization.

So, here I am. I forget that G is still a foster child. She's legally not ours yet. She's technically someone else's.

I understand why the powers-that-be have to keep tabs on kids in the foster care system, I'm just ready to be done. It will be a seriously awesome day in our house when we get that piece of paper saying she is ours. Seriously. Y'all better watch out that day, cuz the world's gonna shake with the joy that leaps from my core.


:)De said...

I know about the paperwork for every bump and scrape, trip and appointments. It's crazy sometimes. I was however allowed to take a foster child out of the country once after writing a letter to the judge to explain that the child needed to participate in family life without being put on a shelf (respite) like an item you don't want to take on a trip with you. I can be a letter-writin'-fool sometimes. LOL

BTW - I think the blog you are looking for is:


Shanti said...

Thank you so much for telling me that! Our social worker told us it just isn't allowed...guess I should have investigated more. I'm definitely going to look into it!
P.S. Thank you for the blog link...DUH. You'd think I could have figured out that address. lol

corneann said...

what about N, or am I missing something?!?

Shanti said...

Annette, no worries! I should have specified that I was going to do Naomi's entry next, and then Grace! Hopefully I'll get to them on Monday. =)

Rachael said...

When will everything be final?

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